10 great ways to achieve great grand-parenting Posted on May 24, 2018May 24, 2018 by Celia Bowring There’s something wonderful about being a grandparent. But, just like parenting, there’s a shortage of wisdom on how to do it right. So let me share with you some wisdom from Rob Parsons’ brilliant book ‘The Sixty Minute Grandparent’. It includes 10 great insights on making grand-parenting a success. But first, some context. Being a grandparent today can be tougher than for our parents’ generation. Our kids tend to have their off-springs later in life than we did. So we are older when the grandchildren are younger. That can be a challenge to energy levels as well as finding the knack of constraining a wriggly infant in a car seat. Or working out how to collapse a baby buggy that needs a degree in engineering to do so. You may also be one of the so-called ‘sandwich generation’. At one and the same time, committed to caring for your own elderly parents, supporting your ‘adult’ children and seeking to be a hands-on grandparent. It’s a challenge few in past generations had to face. The world has changed too. When I was little my 70-year-old granny sang me Scottish folk songs and we played Snap together. Today, the average grandparent has to cope with the mysteries of the virtual world as well as being looked to for practical support by a working mother. In fact, 1 in 3 UK families depend on grandparents for a degree of childcare. This can be both a blessing and a stress-inducing burden. It’s no joke looking after a toddler who wanders from one accident prone zone to the next. And with, everything needing to be done as the parents say, not how you used to do it. So what about some wisdom to see you through? Here comes those 10 suggestions, thanks to Rob Parsons. The thinking is his but some of the words are also mine. Try not to interfere with or criticise your children’s parenting. No matter how you would choose to do things, affirm and encourage. Because that’s what they need most. When they are old enough, find ways to connect them to the past. Help them to know ‘where they came from’ by telling them about their family and its history. Hang on to old photos and other reminders and share them. Develop traditions – activities, things and events they associate with you that happen on your watch. It might be a special game, an ‘in’ joke, a regular surprise, or something else. Make sure they know your love for them is without conditions. That they cannot earn your love or lose it. Tell them and show them – often.. If asked to help with childcare don’t feel compelled to rush into a long term regular commitment. Just because our offspring has chosen to have offspring of their own doesn’t make you obliged, and sometime not everything is possible. So set a date to review the situation – how it’s working for all parties. Agree a joint policy on bedtimes, rules for TV, iPads and sweets etc. And confirm them in earshot of the grandchild to save the ‘but Mummy says’ ambush. Bute reserving the right to have your special rules when the grandchildren are in your house. Keep your eyes open for little ears. They hear more than you can ever believe. And, especially, never speak negatively about their parents in children’s hearing. If you live at a distance Skype and WhatsApp are wonderful things to keep in touch and abreast with news. Praise them for their qualities and not their looks. In our image conscious world they don’t need more reinforcement that the way they look matters the most. If you have more than one, look for opportunities to spend time with them as individuals. Their own special time with Grandma or Grandad can be more special to them than you imagine. For of course, in no time at all these ‘little ones’ will grow and present a whole new set of needs and pleasures as teens and beyond into adulthood. Meanwhile, we can add your prayers and the example of your life. And enjoy. For more insights on you and your grandkids, see our website on Grand-parenting. And if you have thoughts of your own, do please share them on our Facebook. Celia Bowring Celia isn’t retired yet – although she’s recently changed from being office-based to working from home, so working out her own use of time. Celia writes the CARE Prayer Diary along with many other resources. She also chairs Pray for Schools. And loves being a hands-on grandmother!
Is Your Retirement Killing You? Posted on March 9, 2018March 9, 2018 by Peter Meadows Your retirement may be killing you. Here’s a survival plan. You would expect the end of full-time work would bring a guarantee of inner health and happiness. That saying ‘goodbye’ to the daily grind could only be a positive experience. If only. Instead, large numbers entering the joys of ‘after work’ find themselves unwell either physically or emotionally. The reason is stress. And stress can be a killer. Yet isn’t stress what we think we’ve escaped from? No longer being driven to do more with less, bombarded with constant information, while surrounded with life’s constant pressures. Yet the very act of moving from work to after-work – with all the changes involved – can be a major stress inducer. And the outcome for too many is an increase of everything from high blood pressure to heart disease, panic attacks to depression. What is stress? A useful definition of ‘stress’ is – ‘The changes that take place in your body and mind when a demand seems greater than your ability to cope’. At the centre is what’s known as ‘fight or flight’. Faced with such a challenge, our bodies automatically spring into action. Muscles tense, the heart pumps blood to where it is more useful, and a wide range of hormones shoot into the bloodstream to give the added energy, strength and resources that may be needed. Of itself, that’s good news. The bad news – when stress becomes distress – is when there is a constant stream of perceived threats to our wellbeing. And the result is an overload of reaction to ‘fight of flight’. Believe it or not, this is what entering the world or retirement can do to some of us. Something that can lead to both physical and emotional illness. Retirement and stress Research shows the more ‘life-changes’ we have during a short period of time, the more likely stress will take its toll. Such life-changes include the bad – like the death of a loved one, divorce and financial difficulties. And the good – like marriage, a child leaving home and taking a holiday. Up there with the rest of them is ‘retirement’. That’s because this major, and mostly welcome and happy, event presents a large number of threats to our perceived ability to cope. The familiar has gone – replaced with the arrival of new routines, relationships and experiences. Together with the loss of many of those we enjoyed in the past. All inducing stress. More than that, retirement can create a very real sense of bereavement. The associated loss/death of purpose, friendships, routine, and reward can have an impact much like the death of someone we love. In fact, though the impact of retirement may not be as great as being made redundant, it can come close. And if other life-change events are happening around it – children getting married, having babies, ill health, downsizing, etc – the life-changes are multiplied – and so is their impact. How will you know you are a victim? The symptoms of stress can be physical, emotional and behavioural. A few examples are – Physical: Indigestion/heartburn, waking up tired, racing heartbeat, chronic constipation or diarrhoea, persistent headaches. Emotional/mental: Feelings of futility or low self-worth, ‘blue’ moods, unreasonable fears, panic attacks, forgetfulness or confusion. Behavioural: Insomnia, avoiding people, irritability, loss of sense of humour, irrational anger, difficulty in making decisions, misuse of alcohol/coffee, lack of concentration. What can you do to fight back? First, own up to stress as being an issue – either potentially or at the moment. Then pick from these few simple ideas and also check out health sites on the internet for a more comprehensive suggestions. To keep stress at bay Eat a well-balanced diet Exercise regularly Establish sensible sleep habits. Do something enjoyable on a regular basis Take time to be still each day To combat stress when it comes Do all the above, plus – Practise deep relaxation Watch TV that makes you laugh Listen to music Reduce clutter Don’t let decisions hang over you Don’t go it alone but be honest with those close to you Finally, if things don’t get better, seek medical advice – and take it. Peter Meadows Peter uses his retirement to help churches, resource inter-church initiatives, enjoy his eight grandchildren, escape to Spain and spend his kids’ inheritance. For more wisdom, ideas, and resources for your after-work life go to afterworknet.com
Time to spring clean your prayer life? Here are 6 great ways. Posted on March 2, 2018March 5, 2018 by Celia Bowring With spring on the way, the autumn of your life could be a great time to dust off your prayer life. Like me, perhaps your times of Bible reading and prayer have become less than you wanted them to be. Working full time and years of hands-on motherhood certainly made me ridiculously busy. It’s so easy to find prayer taking second place when you have one eye on the clock, to-do lists that seem never done, and constantly delivering other people’s agendas. Does any of that sound like you? Have you found carving out time for you and God a challenge? That it’s been a bridge too far to find the strength you need each day – able to do little more than praying on the hoof and reading favourite bits of Scripture to keep you going in between Sundays? Then help’s on the way – with six simple ways to spring clean your times with God. But first please ditch any guilt you may feel for the way it has become. God understands and is so very gracious. No matter what, he meets us where we are and as we are – answering our prayers and encouraging us to keep following him. But there’s more on offer than that in your after-work years – the autumn season of your life. If you desire a greater sense of the Holy Spirit speaking truth, guidance and encouragement into your heart and soul you might decide to introduce more spiritual discipline into your life. Life will still be hectic at times, but generally you should have a bit more flexibility to reorder your priorities. If renewing your prayer life is towards the top of that list the following might help. If you give a portion of your money to God’s work how about giving a portion of your time too? How much of your week is spent not only attending church and other activities and personal time with God in Bible reading, worship and prayer? This isn’t about being a ‘better’ Christian but a thirstier one!. God save us from self-righteousness! Augustine’s maxim was: ‘Pray as if it all depended on God and work at it as if it all depended on you.’ Faith is deciding to trust God which usually leads to action too. Without the Holy Spirit’s wisdom and strength, it’s impossible to deepen your prayer life. Reading plans and prayer lists, excellent though they are, won’t work on their own. What are the logistics of when, where and how to make this regular time happen? Philippa Lally, health psychology researcher at UCL says ‘If someone wants to form a habit they should specify clearly what they will do and in what situation and try to do this consistently. Over time it will start to happen more easily and require less effort.’ Don’t be discouraged. There will be times when your best intentions just don’t work out. God is the One who rescues and lifts you up when you stumble. His love is stronger than anything else on earth and in heaven. To explore more on this issue, our website has some helpful content on Nurturing Your Faith. Celia Bowring Celia isn’t retired yet – although she’s recently changed from being office-based to working from home, so working out her own use of time. Celia writes the CARE Prayer Diary along with many other resources. She also chairs Pray for Schools. And loves being a hands-on grandmother!
Recently retired? 5 Smart ways to be wise with your time Posted on February 15, 2018February 19, 2018 by Celia Bowring Do you ever find yourself saying, ‘Now I’m retired I’m busier than ever’?’ If so, perhaps you could do with some help to make the most of your after-work life. Here are five simple and smart suggestions on how to be wise with your time. 1. Start right – or retrace your steps if you need to Managing transitions – like moving away from full time work – are rarely straightforward. That’s what Michael Watson says in his book ‘Your First 90 Days: Proven Strategies for Getting Up to Speed Faster and Smarter.’ In it, Michael stresses how important it is to nail down your expectations, goals and dreams as soon as you can. And he recommends some kind of timetable as to when you hope to see them happen. Its all too easy for your time to just be taken over with other people’s expectations. 2. Decide what’s most important Be specific on your priorities. For example – Nurturing your relationships Keeping healthy and fit Financial security Fun Helping others Starting something new or rekindling an old hobby If you are stuck for inspiration, there’s lots of suggestions for you on our New challenges webpage. 3. Create habits that’ll result in these things actually happening Moving from one way of life to another calls for working out some new routines to replace the old. Perhaps things like – Adding regular dates to your diary to spend with your partner and planning time with friends Starting a realistic regular exercise plan Keeping track of money and working out your budget Having an adventure once a week Committing yourself to activities at your church or some local volunteering opportunity Joining a choir, signing up to a course, learning a language… If that might mean doing something fulfilling as a volunteer check out the AfterWorkNet webpage on Serving. 4. Manage your time rather than letting your time manage you If time management is second nature to you then skip this one. But if you are like most of us it is worth heeding the wisdom of the ‘retirement analysist; Bob Lowry. Bob tells how he first started his retirement by making extensive ‘to do’ lists. He’d programme 15-30-minute time blocks for various tasks and activities, including his afternoon nap. But the pressure to deliver on his made-up schedule was too much and was he found he was doing most of it just to tick it off the list! When he tried the opposite – just going with the flow and planning nothing – there was no structure and he didn’t know what to do. Finally, Bob found a happy medium, using schedules and lists when that helped but feeling free to change his plans – because now his time was his own. 5. Keep things under review Consider putting a time limit both on those things other people ask you to commit to and the ones you decide yourself to give a go. Situations change. You may find you don’t like what you’ve got into. You may prefer to do something else with your time. There could be new responsibilities, health challenges and opportunities that face you. That’s why agreeing on a specific date to review the situation when making a commitment is a wise move. And think about a personal six-month review of how your time is being spent – maybe with the input from someone close to you. Celia Bowring Celia isn’t retired yet – although she’s recently changed from being office-based to working from home, so working out her own use of time. Celia writes the CARE Prayer Diary along with many other resources. She also chairs Pray for Schools. And loves being a hands-on grandmother!
