Don’t let retirement scupper your marriage – the 3 top tips for staying afloat.

It’s a massive step to move from hardly seeing each other most daytimes to now being under each other’s feet.

Indeed, legions of women – please forgive the stereotype – have been known to mutter between clenched teeth ‘Is he never going out?!!’

That may not be the whole story behind the growing divorce rate among the over 65s. But the very existence of such a trend indicates the challenge retirement can bring to a marriage.

That means, when it comes to your own experience of retirement, you dare not be blind to its impact on others. Which is especially true of your life partner.

This is no time for a solo voyage, oblivious to the way your new role may be creating waves for our most significant ‘other’.

As the saying goes, ‘no man – or woman – is an island’. Our lives are entwined. That’s why those closest to you will have expectations, like – ‘she’ll have more time to spend with me’. And fears – ‘he’ll be under my feet all day’.

With so much at stake, here are 3 top tips to help you sail rather than sink.

1. Talk it through!

Some couples find situations like this – when major change is involved – fairly easy to work out. Meanwhile, others only get there after an explosion of built-up frustration.

Whichever it may be for you in your relationship, a planned ‘let’s talk this through’ session – perhaps over a meal – is where to start.

On the agenda would be items like –

Smaller stuff:

  • How are changes in my life going to impact you?
  • What hopes do you have for us when/now I’m retired?
  • What concerns do you have – and what would you like me to do about them?
  • What might we now be able to do together that we couldn’t before?
  • How best can we both find our space, how much time do we want to be apart?
  • Which household chores and responsibilities should now be reassigned?

Big stuff:

  • How best can we look out for each other?
  • What new adventures/experiences could we share?
  • What should be on our bucket list?

2. Give each other space

The biggest issue to impact your relationship is likely to be the ‘getting under each other’s feet’ one. When something like 200 days a year of being apart comes to a sudden or even a gradual end, readjustment can be a challenge.

Of course, what the Bible says is true; ‘It is not good for a man or woman to be alone’. But that’s not meant to be every waking moment.

Because of this it would be wise to:

  • Work at developing and enjoying your own individual interests and friendships as well as those you share. Having your own identity is good for you both and will enrich your marriage.
  • Establish separate spaces for each of you at home. There is great wisdom in having the equivalent of a man-shed – for both of you. This can be for anything from hobbies to TV watching.

3. Maintain communication

You may well find your retirement impacts you in unexpected ways. There may be the emotional issues linked to stress or your loss of status having left the workplace behind. For more see our website under Stress and Loss of Status.

When our emotions are hit, the temptation is to bottle it all up – especially for man. But that can then have an impact on your partner.

These things can be hard to talk about or even own up to. But your other half deserves to know what’s going on and have the opportunity to love and support you through it.

So honest conversation is vital for a safe and enjoyable voyage into the future.

Dianne Parsons – Care for the Family

Dianne has been an integral part of Care for the Family’s ministry over many years, alongside husband Rob, and speaking and writing with great empathy for women about marriage and family life.

Have you found a way to enrich your marriage in retirement? Do share it by joining our Facebook group and signing up for our inspiring blog  

Comments

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

The word retirement is not even in the Bible. What is taught in scripture is transition. There is nothing that says you work most of your life and then get to be selfish for the next 20 years"

Rick Warren, PurposeDrivenLife